"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.”
-George Washington
If I asked you to name a quarterback who has played in the NFL, my guess is that even non-football fans could come up with someone: Joe Namath, Roger Staubach, Terry Bradshaw, Joe Montana, Brett Favre, Tom Brady, Eli Manning. But how many of you could name the offensive left tackles who guarded these quarterbacks’ “blind sides.” Right.
That’s because, fair or not, the quarterback gets most of the glory. The responsibility to score points is literally in his hands, so most games are as well.
As the game is played, the quarterback takes the ball and drops back time and again, while looking downfield for an open receiver to pass to. And he looks, and looks, and looks...and all the while the left tackle stands between him and disaster, protecting him from the violent rush of players coming from behind him and wanting to crush him. The quarterback may get the attention, but he’d be picking up his teeth much more often than wins if someone didn’t have his back.
Michael Lewis highlights this truth in The Blind Side, a good book that became an inspiring movie. But the story of Michael Oher, the young man who goes from poster child for youth-at-risk to NFL star, is about a lot more than football.
Oher had all the physical gifts in the world; massive size, herculean strength, and eye-popping agility. Yet he would have been lost if the Tuohys, his adoptive family, hadn’t taken an active interest in him, continued investing love and care in him, and provided a safe environment where he could develop and grow. Through friendship they had his “blind side.”
Becoming a successful human being, which is not the same thing as becoming wealthy, famous, or powerful, is essentially about relationships. And at the heart of relationships is the virtue of friendship.
It takes a great deal to be a friend. Yet, the common perception continues to be that if you have fun with someone, you’re friends. If you have things in common with someone, you’re friends. If you’re attracted to someone, you’re friends. Friendships apparently demand about as much effort as clicking “accept” on a Facebook invitation.
This, of course, is a recipe for disaster.
“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.”
Friendship, like any virtue, takes time to develop. It can and should include fun, and common interests, and attraction. But it’s about a lot more than that.
Friendship, true and personal connection that lasts, is always about giving and receiving; practicing and learning how to be trustworthy with another, how to be responsive with another, how to be caring with another, and how to be truthful with another.
But to really understand the virtue of friendship, begin by acting like an offensive left tackle and focus on the blind side coverage.
Question for reflection: Who’s got your back?
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About Me
- Ross Porter
- Dr. Ross Porter received his B.A. from the University of California, Santa Barbara, and his Master of Divinity (Theology) and Ph.D. (Clinical Psychology) degrees from Fuller Theological Seminary, where he first became interested in the integration of psychology and spirituality. He is a teacher, author, counselor, and consultant, specializing in integrative psychology, virtue ethics and family systems. He has taught at the high school, college, and graduate school levels. Ross is also the Founder and Executive Director of Stillpoint Family Resources, a non-profit organization that offers counseling services to individuals, couples, and families in crisis, with nine different office locations throughout Ventura, Los Angeles and Orange Counties (specific office locations can be found at www.stillpointfamilyresources.org). In 2009, Dr. Porter was named an “Outstanding Angeleno” by the Los Angeles Daily News. Ross and his wife Jennifer have been married for 21 years, and have four beautiful children. John Michael, their son who has Down Syndrome is their first born.
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