Growing Up: The Virtue of Being Family

The family is the heart of our society, of civilization itself. This has always been the case in every culture and every country throughout history. Nothing has a greater influence over an individual than the family unit...not school, not profession, not even church or synagogue. The family of origin, that is the family we are born into, gives us our blueprint for how to see and interact with self, others, life, and God. Family is our first teacher. This is not to say we need to be controlled by our pasts. Certainly healing and growth can happen at any stage of life, but as long as we live we will be interacting with our original families, if not face-to-face at least in our hearts and minds.

Being a family is so much more than simple genetics, or living together under one roof, or eating a certain amount of meals together, or sharing a common history, or even sharing a last name. Being family does not happen accidentally, it must be chosen...multiple times a day. We choose to be family when we make concrete decisions, big and small, with what we say or don't say, do or don't do, think or don't think, feel or don't feel.

• We choose to be family when we love each other in word and deed
• We choose to be family when we teach our children right and wrong, and hold ourselves to the same objective standard
• We choose to be family when we listen to each other at least as much as we speak to each other
• We choose to be family when we reach outside of ourselves and serve others
• We choose to be family when we celebrate the uniqueness of each individual family member
• We choose to be family when we play together, laugh together, and celebrate Sabbath together

Being family is a process that must become habitual...that's why I'm calling it a virtue. And good habits take time to form. Practice, practice, practice...with little and big acts, growing in consistency, intentional and freely given. It's not always easy, and it's not always fun. A healthy family recognizes this, and chooses to make the investment of time, energy, and spirit anyway.

There is nothing more important on a natural level than truly practicing the virtue of being family, and as we ask God into this process, to bless and guide our efforts, the results become sacramental. Get started (or re-started) tonight. You'll be glad a thousand years from now that you did!

The Virtue Project

Stillpoint Family Resources is very excited to announce that The Virtue Project, in development for over a year, is ready to "take on the road." There are five modules to this practical, engaging, and empowering Character Formation program that integrates psychology with theology and philosophy: 1) The Believer, 2) The Couple, 3) The Family, 4) The Parent, 5) The Teen.

Please pray for this work, for the speaking engagements we're already booking, and for future opportunities! And let us know if you'd like more information!

To What End....

St. Maximillian Kolbe, a Franciscan priest, died 69 years ago this day in a starvation bunker at Auschwitz. His is a remarkable story of courage and love.

Because he was a Catholic priest confronting evil, the Nazis arrested him and sent him to the concentration camp. In July 1941, a man from Kolbe's barracks vanished, prompting the deputy camp commander to pick 10 men from the same barracks to be starved to death in order to deter further escape attempts. One of the selected men, Franciszek Gajowniczek, cried out, "My wife, my children!" It was then that Kolbe volunteered to take his place. No greater love....

After three weeks, all the men in the starvation bunker had died except for Father Kolbe. Finally losing patience with the process, the guards gave him a lethal shot of carbolic acid to finish the job....as if death could silence such a life. Roughly 40 years later, at the canonization ceremony for St. Maximillian, Gajowniczek (the man Kolbe had volunteered to die for) was present and spoke.

Maximillian Kolbe is an obvious example of what we would call a martyr. But as I sat in church this morning, I began reflecting on what he'd say if he was preaching the homily. My serious hunch is that he'd focus on what the word martyr means..."witness."

What does your life witness to? What does it say about your beliefs and values? How much time do you spend reflecting on your actions, your choices, your relationships, and where you're headed in life? And to what end? What's the point? Intentionality is crucial in the practice of virtue....like a compass is to a ship on the open sea.

Kolbe certainly knew what his purpose was, and he lived with a razor sharp focus. "Only love creates..." And if he were here today, I believe he'd challenge each of us to be creative in this way; to get outside ourselves and serve. To love in action. And as a Franciscan, he'd also tell us to do it in simple and small ways. Choose to do 1,000 things 1% better...

This is the way of transformation. This is where true and lasting joy will be found, where action meets purpose....and where peace and salvation wait.

"One Man's Trash...."

Antique stores are hopeful places; places that believe in second chances. They accept what others have thrown away, given up on, discarded as un-useable, because they see the potential that remains. Recently, I found myself in a dusty and well-stocked one named "One Man's Trash...", an hommage to the saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure." This store had a little of everything, from automobile parts, to farming and gardening equipment, to knick-knacks and artwork found in everyday households. I struck up a conversation with the older gentleman who owned the store, wondering what he enjoyed most about the antiques business. "I believe that everything can be used again, and nothing needs to be wasted," he said with a contented smile. "I love that notion." Me too.

Everything can be useful, and nothing need be wasted; sounds a little like St. Paul's counsel to the Church at Rome. How much healthier we, and our relationships, would be if this philosphy were truly embraced in mind and heart, and lived out daily? And most particularly in relationship with an inexhaustibly merciful God?!

God can and does use everything to help us grow up emotionally and spiritually, if you'll invite Him into your own personal "antique store," where there are many things that can be re-purposed, renewed, and restored with the right amount of care and attention.

The parts of our lives we're tempted to bury or hide out of shame and guilt are precisely the parts God wants to use to keep us focused on Him, and the path that leads to Life. And He is never put off or scandalized by our imperfections. Does He care if we lie, cheat, steal, gossip, abuse substances, and rebel in any number of other ways? Of course He does, because He loves us and wants the best for us. But through it all, He never stops loving us and calling us back to what is most essential, to what is true.

In all things God works for good, and He loves unconditionally. If He didn't, the manger in Bethlehem and the Cross at Golgotha would never have happened. Through our mistakes, and heartfelt acknowledgement of those mistakes, He promises to teach, to empower, and to inspire us to virtue, and to lasting peace and joy. However, all too often this reclamation project of turning "trash into treasure" is blocked by us, stalling growth and trust in self and others.

And when you're thinking of blocks to healthy and holy living, start with pride. Pride is the Queen of the Deadly Sins for a reason. It was the original sin, and all sins grow from it. It has infected humankind ever since Eden. Pride convinces us that we can do it alone, that we don't need others, that perhaps we're even better than others. Pride also tells us that how we look to others is more important than who we are. So, the great cover up begins in earnest.

Isolation is the fruit of pride. And isolation kills.

Brokenness is an essential part of our inheritance as fallen human beings, but it does not need to be our destiny. God uses everything, but we must first choose to invite Him into the mess, the chaos, the "trash." Give everything to Him: your regrets and fears, your envy and resentments, all those mistakes you feel are too terrible to admit to. Ask for help, and then move on the resources He'll send: emotional, relational, and spiritual. Do this today...and again tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and so on....because the antique store of your soul must remain open for business, and you need to show up for work every day!

"Trash to treasure"...the ultimate recycling plan!