The Tiger You Know...

Are you familiar with the saying, “The tiger you know is better than the tiger you don’t know?” It originated in India, with townspeople that lived on the edge of jungles inhabited by tigers. Inevitably, a tiger would wander out of the jungle and through the town, looking for food. This was certainly an immediate danger, but over time the town got to know the tiger’s habits, his routines, and when he would come calling. They chose not to kill the tiger, because they knew that another would soon replace it, and bring new habits they were unfamiliar with. This new tiger would be more dangerous than the old because the new one would be unpredictable.

This “settling mentality” may be the right strategy for Indian towns dealing with tiger problems, but it is a slow death for marriages, a quitting that is just as final as a divorce.

Marriages get into ruts, and stay in ruts for many reasons, but at the core is a fear of change. We are always free to make changes, adaptations in our marriages, big and small. True, our freedom is not unlimited but there are always choices…always. However, there will invariably arise a serious temptation to deny this personal freedom, and give excuses for why we must remain stuck.

Anxiety comes with all change, because change brings us face to face with possibility, with the great unknown, with new challenges and responsibilities. And anxiety is an uncomfortable feeling to say the least. It may sound crazy but many marriages stall, and remain stalled, because relative dissatisfaction is seen as preferable to all that potential healing and growth would bring. “True, I’m not wonderfully happy, but it could be worse.” The tiger you know…

Spring is the season of new beginnings. See if now isn't the right time to re-discover why you first chose each other. What first drew you to each other, and what you origninally fell in love about....and begin that wonderful process of falling in love all over again!