"There is more to life than increasing its speed."
-Mahatma Gandhi
I begin this blog with a confession: Patience is a virtue I do not have a natural predisposition toward. At the market I seek the Express line, and then find myself counting the number of items in the carts of people in front of me. I struggle to reject the belief that going less than 65 MPH in the fast lane of the freeway borders on mortal sin. I never go out to dinner between the hours of 6:00 and 8:00 without a reservation.
I dislike waiting in any way, shape, or form. Problem is, I know how vital patience is to a mature life. And waiting is intimately connected to patience.
Sooner or later, we will run into a situation where there is no short cut, no way to manipulate, no way to force change. And the lesson in patience begins.
Most of us humans operate under the adolescent illusion that we have (and should have) much more control over people and circumstances than we actually do. Some of this illusion can be helpful; it wards off anxiety about the big, dangerous world we must venture forth into, and how vulnerable we actually are in it. But like any illusion, control needs to get checked from time to time so that we don’t totally separate from objective reality.
And that’s why the man in the Express line with twelve items and not ten, and the little old lady going 60 in the fast lane when she could be going 70, and the crowded restaurant where you are invited to take a seat until your name is called can all be tremendously helpful. They make us wait. And in that waiting, we can learn.
Practicing patience develops a pace of life that ensures a care-fullness with self and others, and thus supports balance and perspective.
I am not the only person who has feelings, and needs, and a schedule. I am not the only person who wants to be seen, and heard, and respected. I am surrounded by other people who do not exist to serve me. And as I practice patience, I realize that I don’t have the ability, or the right, to control them anyway.
On the days I can remember to take a deep breath, smile, accept what I receive instead of what I want, and acknowledge that there is more to life than increasing its speed, I am one step closer to growing up.
Question for reflection: When are you most impatient, and what do these times tell you about your “unfinished business”?
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About Me
- Ross Porter
- Dr. Ross Porter received his B.A. from the University of California, Santa Barbara, and his Master of Divinity (Theology) and Ph.D. (Clinical Psychology) degrees from Fuller Theological Seminary, where he first became interested in the integration of psychology and spirituality. He is a teacher, author, counselor, and consultant, specializing in integrative psychology, virtue ethics and family systems. He has taught at the high school, college, and graduate school levels. Ross is also the Founder and Executive Director of Stillpoint Family Resources, a non-profit organization that offers counseling services to individuals, couples, and families in crisis, with nine different office locations throughout Ventura, Los Angeles and Orange Counties (specific office locations can be found at www.stillpointfamilyresources.org). In 2009, Dr. Porter was named an “Outstanding Angeleno” by the Los Angeles Daily News. Ross and his wife Jennifer have been married for 21 years, and have four beautiful children. John Michael, their son who has Down Syndrome is their first born.
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