"As you get older it is harder to have heroes, but it is sort of necessary."
-Ernest Hemingway
Yes, it is harder to have heroes as we grow older. We hear, read, and see things we are (thankfully) sheltered from in childhood. And we are hurt. And then we get a little bit harder.
Of course no one is perfect. No one comes through every time, for everyone, in all situations (for the purpose of this discussion, Jesus does not count). But this is how we define "hero" when we are children...sort of a mix between Superman and God.
We discover one day that heroes are human. And in this inevitable loss of innocence, we tend to turn toward doubt. And here lies the problem. In our anger, our disappointment, our disillusionment, we accept the notion that one cannot have heroes. It's protective, usually, and not even a fully conscious choice...but we don't want to feel let down again, betrayed. And many of us never turn back.
Yet we must have heroes, and not just as children. It is, as Hemingway wrote, necessary. Necessary? Like water and oxygen are necessary to sustain life? No. But necessary in order to sustain emotional and spiritual growth. We will always need examples, inspirations, models, for how to live. We need to see the Good (even if it is not presented in its wholeness) if we are to combat the crushing, dehumanizing, killing effect of doubt.
If we are to develop as human beings, we cannot let doubt reign in our hearts. It feeds selfishness, and fear, and cynicism. It's the psychological equivalent of a black hole.
Most heroes will have a particular gift or two that they live out with great brilliance; the virtue of courage, or generosity, or creativity, or perseverance. And their light will inspire others to be more, and do more. And the world becomes a little brighter. These men and women will not be perfect, but that's not what heroes are.
I believe that we can be well-grounded in reality and still celebrate the ideal when we see it. Hero-worship must pass with the naivete of childhood, but emulation of those who live out particular virtues in heroic ways cannot, must not.
The world needs more hope, and less despair, more faith and less fear. Find what you admire, what you want to become, what is truly beautiful and good. And then see that these qualities reside in a human being.
Celebrate the heroic, re-consider having a hero or two, and maybe in this process become one yourself!
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About Me
- Ross Porter
- Dr. Ross Porter received his B.A. from the University of California, Santa Barbara, and his Master of Divinity (Theology) and Ph.D. (Clinical Psychology) degrees from Fuller Theological Seminary, where he first became interested in the integration of psychology and spirituality. He is a teacher, author, counselor, and consultant, specializing in integrative psychology, virtue ethics and family systems. He has taught at the high school, college, and graduate school levels. Ross is also the Founder and Executive Director of Stillpoint Family Resources, a non-profit organization that offers counseling services to individuals, couples, and families in crisis, with nine different office locations throughout Ventura, Los Angeles and Orange Counties (specific office locations can be found at www.stillpointfamilyresources.org). In 2009, Dr. Porter was named an “Outstanding Angeleno” by the Los Angeles Daily News. Ross and his wife Jennifer have been married for 21 years, and have four beautiful children. John Michael, their son who has Down Syndrome is their first born.
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