It’s Springtime, so allow me to recall my greatest personal baseball achievement. I hit an RBI single off a major league pitcher, in an all-star game, before a packed, standing-room only stadium. I’m serious. It was a letter-high fast ball. The pitcher was Bret Saberhagen, two-time Cy Young award winner and MVP of the 1985 World Series. He was to end up with 167 wins in his career, and pitch in three Major League all-star games.
Everything about this story is true. And it’s not enough. Because facts need to be placed in the larger context of life, of the larger story, in order for understanding to happen…
Bret and I were 12 years-old. The all-star game was Tarzana vs. Reseda. The packed stadium was the Encino-Tarzana Little League field. Oh, and he also struck me out two times that day. Bret would go on to achieve baseball greatness, and I would not.
People can present facts and still not tell the whole story. Facts can clarify, but they can also confuse. And if understanding isn’t sought and found, relationships will suffer and even end.
“All I said was ‘The Jones’ are going to Hawaii this summer’.” But what was your intent?
“I have to work these long hours in order to support this family.” But what about your other commitments?
“I’ve told my son a hundred times not to do that.” But have you heard what he’s been trying to tell you?
In times of conflict, the list of facts presented are all too often strategically chosen, carefully airbrushed, and part of a self-centered agenda; like an attorney trying to win a case in court. Understanding is lost in the battle to be “right.” And “right” can leave one feeling very alone.
What do you want out of relationships? Do you want to find love and happiness? Do you want to grow, and help others grow as well? Do you want to find real peace? Then you’d do well to seek more than just facts. Seek to understand and to be understood.
“What‘s your take on this?” “Tell me what your thoughts are.” “Help me understand where you’re coming from.” “What am I not hearing?”
What’s the story…the whole story?
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About Me
- Ross Porter
- Dr. Ross Porter received his B.A. from the University of California, Santa Barbara, and his Master of Divinity (Theology) and Ph.D. (Clinical Psychology) degrees from Fuller Theological Seminary, where he first became interested in the integration of psychology and spirituality. He is a teacher, author, counselor, and consultant, specializing in integrative psychology, virtue ethics and family systems. He has taught at the high school, college, and graduate school levels. Ross is also the Founder and Executive Director of Stillpoint Family Resources, a non-profit organization that offers counseling services to individuals, couples, and families in crisis, with nine different office locations throughout Ventura, Los Angeles and Orange Counties (specific office locations can be found at www.stillpointfamilyresources.org). In 2009, Dr. Porter was named an “Outstanding Angeleno” by the Los Angeles Daily News. Ross and his wife Jennifer have been married for 21 years, and have four beautiful children. John Michael, their son who has Down Syndrome is their first born.
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