"Happiness is secured through virtue; it is a good attained by man's own will."
Thomas Aquinas
"I just want to be happy." "I just want my partner to be happy." "I just want my kids to be happy."
In therapy and outside of therapy, happiness is the goal I hear more people talk about than any other. And there's nothing wrong with this goal. In fact, I think it's an excellent goal to strive for!
The problem isn't the goal, the problem is in how people try and achieve the goal.
We live in a world that consistently misunderstands what makes one happy. We will be happy, or so our reality T.V. culture tells us, when we have more money, or popularity, or plastic surgery, or power, or alcohol, or sex, or experiences.
Being able to better control things and people around us would help a lot too, right?
"Winning", I guess.
The lie is that happiness can somehow be found apart from good behavior; that it can be bought, or manufactured, or manipulated with enough "fun."
Fun will sustain happiness about as well as cotton candy sustains a starving person. Fun is great, but it is not the source of happiness.
St. Thomas reminds us that happiness cannot be separated from virtue...good habits. And happiness is the product of good living, plain and simple; no short cuts.
We will never be happier then when we are using our freedom to do good and be good. It sounds too easy, and perhaps too boring, to lead to happiness.
And if you judge happiness by one night, or one weekend, or one month, the connection between goodness and happiness may not be clear.
But study the people you know who are truly, deeply, securely happy, and you will find lives marked by generosity, kindness, peace, balance, love, and courage; virtue.
Happiness, in the end, is not a great mystery. Do good, surround yourself with good people, and don’t give in to cynicism.
You’ll change your world, and you’ll change THE world. And yes, you'll have a lot of fun, too.
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About Me
- Ross Porter
- Dr. Ross Porter received his B.A. from the University of California, Santa Barbara, and his Master of Divinity (Theology) and Ph.D. (Clinical Psychology) degrees from Fuller Theological Seminary, where he first became interested in the integration of psychology and spirituality. He is a teacher, author, counselor, and consultant, specializing in integrative psychology, virtue ethics and family systems. He has taught at the high school, college, and graduate school levels. Ross is also the Founder and Executive Director of Stillpoint Family Resources, a non-profit organization that offers counseling services to individuals, couples, and families in crisis, with nine different office locations throughout Ventura, Los Angeles and Orange Counties (specific office locations can be found at www.stillpointfamilyresources.org). In 2009, Dr. Porter was named an “Outstanding Angeleno” by the Los Angeles Daily News. Ross and his wife Jennifer have been married for 21 years, and have four beautiful children. John Michael, their son who has Down Syndrome is their first born.
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