“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.”
-Confucius
Dr. Iain Hutchison is a renowned maxillo-facial surgeon operating on the faces of people who have suffered significant deformities as a result of surgeries, accidents, and attacks. And he understands well that beauty is more than skin deep. This of course is not always an easy message to sell, especially to those whose appearances often draw gawking stares, rude comments, and worse. So out of his own pocket, Hutchison commissioned portrait artist Mark Gilbert to paint the faces of his patients before, after surgery, and in some cases even during surgery. And the “Saving Faces” art project was born. The original goal was to show physical transformation, but soon Hutchison and Gilbert saw that something much more profound was happening.
As Gilbert would begin painting, the patients would become subjects; worthy of time, and attention, and care. They felt special, and as the art continued they began to talk about themselves, and what they thought and felt. Gilbert listened, and painted, and asked questions, and painted, and listened some more. And these human beings felt deeply and lovingly seen…perhaps for the first time in a very long time.
“Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.”
Mirroring is a term first coined by psychologist Hans Kohut. It refers to the intimate experience one has of being “seen” in the reflection of another’s face. The classic example is a mother-infant interaction where baby and momma make eye contact, and baby coos and momma coos back, and a verbal and non-verbal “conversation” develops into psychological and spiritual nourishing.
Of course mirroring is not limited to infancy narratives. We all continue to need mirroring experiences throughout life, to “see” in the face of another that we matter. Our subjectivity, our uniqueness, our humanity is accepted as precious. That we are beautiful in ways that will outlast the ravages of time, and will not pass away.
It’s not easy to find someone who practices the virtue of mirroring consistently because it takes quality time, psychological presence, the desire to seek understanding over agreement, and the willingness to give without expectation of return. “I want to know you, I want to hear you, I want to see you…in order to celebrate you.”
So, then, how does this miracle happen? How can this miracle happen? One hurting person, one gentle smile, one caring question, one sincere affirmation, one blessed moment at a time. Start small and build. Trust that beauty exists in everyone, beauty that lasts…and then seek it, see it, and share it with the one who is the work of art.
It is nothing less than reconstructive surgery for the soul.
Question for reflection: Who has mirrored for you what is most beautiful about you?
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About Me
- Ross Porter
- Dr. Ross Porter received his B.A. from the University of California, Santa Barbara, and his Master of Divinity (Theology) and Ph.D. (Clinical Psychology) degrees from Fuller Theological Seminary, where he first became interested in the integration of psychology and spirituality. He is a teacher, author, counselor, and consultant, specializing in integrative psychology, virtue ethics and family systems. He has taught at the high school, college, and graduate school levels. Ross is also the Founder and Executive Director of Stillpoint Family Resources, a non-profit organization that offers counseling services to individuals, couples, and families in crisis, with nine different office locations throughout Ventura, Los Angeles and Orange Counties (specific office locations can be found at www.stillpointfamilyresources.org). In 2009, Dr. Porter was named an “Outstanding Angeleno” by the Los Angeles Daily News. Ross and his wife Jennifer have been married for 21 years, and have four beautiful children. John Michael, their son who has Down Syndrome is their first born.
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