“Know thyself.”
-Socrates
Santa Barbara is my favorite city in the whole world. It has nearly perfect weather, beautiful beaches, culture and history, great dining, a spirit of play, and a wonderfully diverse mix of people. I don’t live there full-time yet, but that’s the goal; the ideal. I get up there as often as possible, and when I leave I miss it all the more.
But how deep would my love for Santa Barbara be if I’d never been anywhere else. If my whole life I’d never seen another city, experienced another city, lived in another city? Sounds great at first, but there’s no way I’d have the same level of appreciation and clarity about the Mission, State Street, the Paseo Nuevo, the Museum of Art, Stearns Wharf, the El Encanto, and the countless other treasures my ideal city holds?
Thankfully I have visited and lived in other places, places that were not as good a fit for me, as wonderful, beautiful, or natural. Being able to contrast these places with my ideal place brings greater knowledge and understanding about what works for me, and where I want to end up. And my longing grows. This is a grace.
Your favorite city can serve as a metapahor for your true self. Both are beautiful places you want to live in more and more. The true self is you at your very best, the person you are meant to be: most free, alive, relational, authentic, joyful, and creative. Like your ideal city, your true self is what you ultimately want to make your “home.”
"Know thyself."
You become a true self by knowing yourself, and then doing something meaningful with the information you gather.
You must become a student of your own life, studying, exploring, and understanding the good, the bad, and the ugly; what has worked for you, and what has not worked for you. Looking at the “good” is helpful; the beautiful, interesting, exciting, gratifying experiences.
But it’s the “bad” and the "ugly” that will give you the most useful information.
It takes great courage and humility to do this, to study and learn from your pain. No one likes to reflect on mistakes and failures, rejection and abandonment, the times people hurt you and the times you hurt yourself. But knowing where you want to go, where you’re meant to go, is intimately connected to knowing where you’ve been.
You must go back before you can finally go forward.
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About Me
- Ross Porter
- Dr. Ross Porter received his B.A. from the University of California, Santa Barbara, and his Master of Divinity (Theology) and Ph.D. (Clinical Psychology) degrees from Fuller Theological Seminary, where he first became interested in the integration of psychology and spirituality. He is a teacher, author, counselor, and consultant, specializing in integrative psychology, virtue ethics and family systems. He has taught at the high school, college, and graduate school levels. Ross is also the Founder and Executive Director of Stillpoint Family Resources, a non-profit organization that offers counseling services to individuals, couples, and families in crisis, with nine different office locations throughout Ventura, Los Angeles and Orange Counties (specific office locations can be found at www.stillpointfamilyresources.org). In 2009, Dr. Porter was named an “Outstanding Angeleno” by the Los Angeles Daily News. Ross and his wife Jennifer have been married for 21 years, and have four beautiful children. John Michael, their son who has Down Syndrome is their first born.
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